This is just a matter of POLITICS

     What's one of the hottest topic for now? Let's get away from the International and make a microscopic view, away from Thailand's flood, Gaddhafi's dead or even global economics meltdown, back to Malaysia, to a topic which bothers us for almost a decade, or maybe more than that: English or Mother-tongue for Maths and Science teaching medium.
     The only and biggest thing which bothers me from beginning till the end is whether whose benefits are being concerned? The government, parents, teachers, or the student itself? What is so good to change the policy as how the government likes? Money was dumped, students were made as lab-rats, teachers were switched from Mother-tongue mode to English, and now from English back to Mother-tongue, hey, this just looks like pressing buttons on robots.
     Won't you spend some time, trying to figure out what's the best for children? It's them who will be facing the consequences of your decision one day. Frankly, our government is good at two things: change and consume. They have a ever-changing mind which changes policies before we start to get used to the changes and they do consume lots of money every year, which to who and where are never made clear.
     I'm fortunate that I get Chinese as a medium for my primary and English in secondary, asking me whether do I still recall how to write scientific terms in Chinese, the answer is always no. Educated in English do make my path smoother and straighter. I need not worry whether is Oxide or Oxida the correct one, or maybe Carbon or Karbon.
     How long will it be given for the new policy? Another 6 years? What if at the end it turns out to be not achieving what do the government expect? Making another change? Two decades for changes but causing a backward of half a century in education which is the mother of everything, this is not a good mathematics equation.

跟谁较劲

这么的一本书，展开了另一趟的思想旅程。慢慢回想着过去的自己，青春期的热血在现在看来却只是幼稚和无知。那些时光，也许只过了那么几个年头，但总感觉上过了好久好久，久得如果没安静的回忆起来，也许就已经记不起那岁月为何总那么冲。

十七八岁的自己总很热血的想改变世界，但在接近二十后，却已开始慢慢接受这社会的现实，不是不想改变，而是这体制本来就改变不了。以前总以为大人都很傻，为何在被这XX政府欺骗了那么多年后还能若无其事、继续缴不该征收的税务。

到底这些年来我在跟谁较劲儿？十一二岁跟成绩较劲，十四五岁跟父母较劲，十七八岁跟老师较劲。到了十九了，终于是个大人了，以为可以很自由、很快乐，却也在跟社会、跟自己较劲。

最近脾气糟了一点。以前无论心情再怎么不好，也不曾像现在一样。我似乎走进了个漩涡，无论再怎么努力也没法走出来，在我面前的就只有即将把我淹死的海水。我失去了耐性，更失去了自己。我会娱乐别人，但回到家静静躺着的自己，却比任何一个人更失败。有些事情侵入了潜意识，无论愿不愿意、无论你再怎么不想去想，它依旧会出现在梦境里。

幸福，却少了快乐；想逃，却逃不过自己。

你一定要幸福

睡到自然醒、一杯咖啡四片面包、听着音乐看本好书、爱的时候写写文章，这也许就是能称得上写意的生活吧？我爱这么一个过生活的方式，就这么诚恳的面对自己，不再害怕，不再抗拒。没有添加的烦恼，只有去爱和被爱的负担。

从小的中西文化熏陶，让我变得跟一般人不一样。思想上的开通、肢体上的约束，这就是我。文字上我能很感性，但话说亲耳听见我把它们说出来的又有几个？

我不会一辈子都恨一个人。我会恨，但那感觉过几个月或是几年就会完全消失。我不会因为恨一个人而做些不光明的事，而是将恨变成了沉默，这就是我。沉默是我恨一个人的最高境界，在彼此之间竖立了一堵沉默的墙，完全隔绝了沟通。我不能假装喜欢一个我恨的人，但时间总会流，总有那么一天，我会再次出现。

你今天又在烦恼些什么了？还记得我说过无论发生什么事我都在吗？无论是好事还是坏事；无论是悲或喜；无论是快乐还是烦恼，只要记得，无论你愿不愿意，明天早晨醒来，今天都会成了历史。不为昨天的事后悔，不为明天的事烦恼；昨天的历史你没法篡改，明天的未来等着你去创造，学会活在当下，那才最真实。

在世界另一头的你，也许已经忘了所有的一切。有你在身边的那段岁月，从你脸上我感觉到了幸福。谢谢你，让我找到了努力奋斗的目的；谢谢你，造就了明天的自己。无论日子怎么过，你一定要比我更幸福。

move IN, move OUT, move ON

最近总喜欢跟别人聊，而别人问的第一句话总会是“你似乎消失了一段时间”。消失不代表我真的不存在，而是以你不懂的方式存在着。爱玩爱看爱听的东西总在变，你们所谓消失这段时间其实我在把时间给自己很在乎很在乎的人。对于有些人我的确像消失了，而对于另一些人我却是烟魂不散。

人一旦有了期待，当事情不如预期，就会有失望。不是我什么都不在乎，而是我学懂了如何把焦点放在过程，而不是结局。我的努力你不需要见证，可请不要磨灭我曾付出的一切。

接下来要做的，就只是享受生活。在享受生活的当时我得再次计划接下来该走的路了。人类无法永远停留在一个阶段，我们都得往前走。You can't just stay there for the rest of your life, you have to move forward.

无论现今你的生活中遇到了什么，闭上双眼深呼吸，一切都会过去的。别为了别人而活，别停留在昨天，更别为明天烦恼。

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"         Matthew 11:28
"凡劳苦重担的，可到我这里来，我就使你们得安息”                                马太福音11：28

这城市

     踏在这城市的土地上已迈入第三天。以为会喜欢这自由，却在用脚步烙印在不同街道上的同时完全把喜欢转成了厌恶。回到最后一次呼吸这样的空气已是两年前。这里无论到访多少次，熟悉的感觉却从不会到来。
    这城市有人，但人脸上鲜少见到笑容；这城市很繁荣，却没能找到个能真正能呼吸的空间。每个人似乎在呼吸着被捆绑的空气，在这步伐迅速的城市里，三餐温饱，也许就是每一天的渴望。
    看见了每一个从自己眼前经过的人，看见了一种肉眼看不出来的痛和辛。一个许多人向往的城市生活，原来压力像小偷一样，在不知不觉时掠夺了一切。
    You can feel the stress in the air. There is no life. Gates are not open wide and there's not even 'hi's and 'bye's. It's me the problem or its?

分离的心，离别的情

逃离现实唯一的方法就是往虚拟世界前进。能说我想说的，能发表在显眼地方不能发表的，或是纯粹一个我能沟通的空间。封闭或许是个面对生活残酷的方式，沉默的背后谁看清？

当事情来得太突然，我没能在第一时间接受。总以为在清晨醒来后，那只会是一场梦。越来越分不清梦境和实景、模糊或清晰。唯一能辨别两者的，就只有腰部给我的感觉。我只有在梦境里才能再次像以前一样奔跑、给对方杀个球。现实的它，本以为能完全好起来，却在复发时比从前带来的疼痛更强烈。

当故事没像预期一样在开演，带来的震撼原来比想象中的失望更大。要离开的不懂留下来的感觉，留下来的更不会懂离开的心酸。每个人都有选择的权利，尊重和祝福，开始适应，再准备下一次离别。

要证明自己真正长大，不是长高或是钱财流入量有多少，而是开始自己身边发生的一切，就算再怎么不愿意，就算它们像梦一场...

I stand as a Malaysian

I stand as a Malaysian,

Born in a multiracial country where there is no conflict between races and religions;

I stand as a Malaysian,

Brought up in a peaceful country where I learnt to live in harmony with others;

I stand as a Malaysian,

We need no slogan to unite and put us as one.

I stand as a Malaysian,

Knowing my rights to have a different belief and to speak in a different language;

I stand as a Malaysian,

Having a freedom to talk in a way that it would not hurt anybody;

I stand as a Malaysian,

Hoping for the injustices and favoritism to be abolished, treating everybody as one;

I stand as a Malaysian,

Desperate to see a clean and fair election to be carried out,

And a people-chosen-government which serves the people.

I stand as a Malaysian,

Voicing out my thoughts in a way that one day it would be heard;

I stand as a Malaysian,

Wanting our future generations to live in a country with no hatred and sorrows;

I stand as a Malaysian,

Trying my best to serve my country in any means and ways.

This is our country and this is our land.

Having the earth under our feet, we stand as one.

We are Malaysian.